Future Self

Recently got an office but things aren't totally going how I want them to. Theft, roaches, noise, heat, and other problems. I originally got this as a transition to my own place or next step, to have a place away from home to do the work I needed to do like reselling, schoolwork, doing my taxes, and finding a job. 

Yet the noise level here makes it hard to get stuff done during the day, I can't really do a lot of talking or creative work without disturbing others, there's no common areas, and I dont feel safe with my expensive stuff here. 

I was thinking of moving my setup back home and just keeping my laptop/monitors here.  

The positive, though, is that I can't really game at home like that, so I'm less likely to be up all night gaming. Having all that here requires me to get up and leave. Yet I also found I would still stay up sometimes, just at the office instead of home. 

It seems like theres three things I really like doing with PCs: work, gaming, and creating. Its hard to go back and fourth between different modes. But fuck if its hard, unless its impossible, its not hard enough. 

I cant really call the gaming a hobby because I don't really care for it much beyond escapist entertainment. I dont have people I know and play with. I need to be honest and understand what I used gaming for.  

It gave me a sense of being able to ignore whats going on in my life because the sounds, visuals, objectives, and social element were very engaging and took low effort to get engaged by.  They are also fun because I enjoy militaristic themes, tactics, and strategies having grown up on them and seeing war movies. I also enjoy the violence because it gives me a slight anger release and sense of suspense in a safe setting.

But I'm tired of NOT doing other things. I don't know if cutting out gaming is they key, because I just find some other unproductive activity, or just reinstall the games. The facts I only have a few somewhat boering gaming I play helps a lot. But it's those moment, those small moments where I'm bored and want to entertain myself. Instead of working on music, singing, working out, I play games. 

I dont mind the occasional game, but I hate my tendency to use gaming as a distraction or avoidant alternative to other hobbies that may be more effort and have fewer short term rewards but will make me a happier person in the long run. 

It's more my proscratinative and avoidant behavior thats the problem, so how do I address it? The only way I know how is to cut out the gaming and add the other shit. Problem is I don't add the other shit. 

Ok, now I know I can easily stop gaming today. How do I add other activities to keep me occupied? How do I curb the initial withdrawal from boredom? Should I give myself a time period of having neither? Like letting myself be bored for a week before I onboard a new hobby?  

Seems like making just a little music isnt on my G either. Honestly I think its the lack of social support engagement. It's boring. But I know I can break through this boring unfun phase and get on a roll with creating and expanding. I gotta see it as my start and eventually I'll move up to having more resources. 

Or maybe it has nothing to do with gaming? Maybe the key to me making more music and having the focus to follow through with doing it lies in picking up in other places in life? I know it's not totally being sober because I did the same behavior sober.  

Maybe it's actually showing up to shit more often? More events, more concerts, more open mics....Giving myself more time to dream, imagine, conjure up. Maybe its moving peices around in my life to position myself closer to music and musical inspiration and resources. Thus more external motivation to work on music. 

Maybe it's grinding solo for a minute til you build your rep like you did with dance and eventually knew a lot of people. I do know that in order to get better at dance and actually practice, I had to leave the house and go to a space that facilitated and inspired that.   

Like what am I doing thats taking up so much time?

I spend a lot of time in braindead, mindless moments. Scrolling through email, websites, and todo lists but not starting on anything. Searching for new opportunities but not finishing stuff I already started. 

And nevertheless there are certain tasks that are bigger timeholes than others. Browsing for flips can be a timehole. Reading reddit. Searching for cars. Housing. 

Maybe it's also peer support. I should go places where people are doing things that I want to do. Simple as that. But I dont really know where to go to make music that I dont have to pay. Is it a production class? An open mic? Dance class? I mean, maybe I can start with dance and thatll also connect me with music people. I know where to show up to dance.  

I can also simplify my music making process so its not so daunting of a task. Maybe take advantage of the automated shit. Regardless, I'd like to spend more time thinking about it and applying stuff. 

So this goes to asking how do I position myself and my stuff in life right now. What should I used the office space for and what should I do at home?

I like the idea of having somewhere to go, work hard for 4-6 hours, and leave. Yet with the increased noise here it's proving to be more difficult to do work here than at home somewhat. What work do I eve do? I do my school stuff (not really), I do my flip stuff, but most of all I just fuck off. 

I almost work better at home and fuck off better here lol. I know no one here will interrupt my recreational time and so I feel more relaxed gaming, browsing, chilling, etc here. Plus a nicer view now too. 

I only have this space for 2.5 more weeks so I really shouldn't contemplate too hard. I think I'll just make a routine of arriving between 6-8 am, and leaving at 12-2 pm to practice getting up and showing up somewhere. I'll give myself a 90 minute waking up time frame where I have the freedom to cook, meditate, and do other stuff like clean, rap, or have a short workout. I'll use 20 mins of that time to prep for the day.  

Then I'll go into workmode with the goal of getting into deep focus in 3 cycles. Taking heavy advantage of the Freedom app and willpower I got from my food. I'll order my tasks by which is most urgent and anxiety inducing. I did like th experience of waking up and immediately doing 2 hours of schoolwork then not worrying about it all day but still having some of it recycle in my head.  

Now that school is over, my "work" will consist of job searching, portfolio management, reselling, exploit "methods", housing searching, researching my life and resources, and doing taxes. 

My "fun" will consist of learning ableton, making music, dancing, going to the gym, 

As far as school goes I just have this paper to do, and to send the staff an email about Fall. 

Far as taxes go, it really sucks I dont have my previous data, but I think I can still recover it and get taxes done. Once I add Ginas info I think the numbers will line up enough. I'll recover the other tax info in the meantime.  This will also allow me to more accurately assess my financial situation.  

I think I also ought to find work. Theres more job openings that ever and that should be a bigger part of my day than looking up reselling and flips. I need to get my brain in that space to start thinking abouty whats out there, whats available, what i need to do to qualify, what the paygrades are like, how the industries are doing, etc..... then from there I can think about my own product, app, business, etc... but I really want a job just knowing this is where I go to have money I can use to support myself. 

I also need to get this car. I really hope this Equinox thing works out because buying a used car is not fun. I might have to wait until June or take the loss on something more expensive. Hey if I land a job and hold it for a good month I'll know how much money I can put down on a car! In the meantime I need cheaper transport! Rentals are too expensive! Going to have to ride my bike to the office and stop reselling til I fix that situation. Going to have to bike to Equinox too unless I fin a sublet. Still, I'd rather be closer to young people shit during the summer, not the westside. 

It also wont hurt to make a prospective budget for how much I need to make in order to pay for my apartment and for car payments. That way I know how much I need to make and whether I may need more than one job. This is where doing my taxes and finances will help.  

For reselling I still think I can devote a small amount of time to it, especially the more serious stuff like botting GPUs or paying people to run Sloths. If I can apply 1-2 hours a day and get returns i think it's worth it. The problem is I waste time mindlessly browsing discord instead of focusing on bot optimization.  

I also need to just specialize and not try to do every flip. Focus on these GPUs and other bottable flips so you get back to living the rest of your day. 

It would really help for me to train my brain to switch tasks instead of devoting entire days to singular tasks. For example I want to do my taxes but I keep anticipating the need to devote my entire day to it. Same with doing certain school work, finding a car, doing research, traveling, etc. I need to get better at breaking down tasks and spreading them out over time instead of trying to do big whammys.  

Theres more to say but I need to go return this car rental. I probably don't have a clear "purpose" for this office other than having a place to do the same stuff I'd do at home, except here I get to escape any other problems of being at home. IT also gives me somewhere to go and do so it works in terms of it being a bridge. I'd like to take advantage of the desk behind me to make myself study other stuff I been avoiding reading. 

Guess i wrote this to try and figure out what my office situation was, and what the big projects I have underway are so I can get a clearer view of the road ahead. I think making a practice for the rest of the month of showing up here "on time", getting myself to balance different tasks throughout the day, and making myself go workout at some point.  

Just an idea 

5am wake & breakfast & get dressed

6am freedom

7:00 Arrive at office and plan day
7:30 am Start work at office

11:30am Lunch and Errands

12:30p Gym/Workout/Dance 

3:30pm Lunch 2

4pm Leftover work and personal projects

7:30pm Dinner and Cooking

8pm Prep for Next day