How To Dance Forever

Time: Midnight at end of day Place: Shitty apartment room Sensations: Tight neck from hours of laptop use, heaviness in forehead, feeling of not having enough water in my stomach, like when you wake up dehydrated, heavy eyes when i have bad thoughts Emotional State: Slightly high but still have my foot in angry/violent thoughts. I'm self aware but I want to feed in it because I feel vindicated in what I'm angry about. I should snap out of it but I have a feeling of loneliness and depression when I try to think elsewhere. I should get up and shock myself with a temeprature change and eat.    I was cycling through upsetting thoughts. Somehow thought about sex, dating, loneliness, then about sex work and how I can't find a provider who will see me in spite of my race. 99% have "no AA" in their ads or stop talking when i say my race or send picture.  This triggered an anger reponse and I got on reddit to vent-post talking about my experiences with being discriminated

Sensation: Hot, Physicaly Agressive, Face swollen from punching self, tight,  Mood: Anger triggered by negative thoughts, memories, and current unhealthy environment Started day with another violent fight with my mom Wasn't able to sleep last night. I was sleepy all day the ntook succinate dose at lunch. Got highly irritated after succinate dose, felt weird all afternoon and night. Unable to get any work done. Constant feeling of dehydration, but too lazy to even move my body to get water or food. Very awful feeling. Laid on couch for 7 hours or so irritated as fuck.   Woke up and somewhere along the line had angry thoughts. First thought about racism, lead to thought about experience I had, or dispute I had, and spiraled... ...  So its like 3 hours later and I just went through many different moods and thoughts. Its really good i wasnt around anyone, and didn't act out in the last 3 hours cause i was feeling extremely bad and my thoughts were not very helpful, nor the behavior